Hot Tomato Soup Spring

Ergot Outbreak

metabolism, nervous system, psyche

Colossus of Roads

What's Behind The Red Door?

Home Invasion

You hear a rustling at your front door. No, it's not an intruder, at least not the evil kind. It's just the Fuller Brush Man.

I realize you have to be a certain age to even know who the Fuller Brush Man is since door-to-door salesmen seem to be extinct these days.

Comes in on little cat feet

Behind the closed attic door, I just found a box of library discard books so I used them for this piece. It includes an art book, history book and one titled "Real Ghosts"--how timely is that?! The edited text came from the reverse side of the same page.

The experiment

For the temporary theme "What's on the other side of the closed door?"

V8 Rhinoceros

The brainchild of a mid-1960s joint venture between General Motors and the Consortium of Big Game hunters, the V8 Rhino was a wonder of bioengineering. Virtually indestructable, incredibly fuel inefficient, and adored by men with giant but fragile egos, the vehicular mammal in many ways was a precursor of GM's Hummer. Replacement parts proved the V8 Rhinos undoing. Finding a mechanic to service them in the heart of the Serengheti Plain proved nearly impossible. By the early 1970s, the Rhinos had fallen out of favor and ended up up on blocks and out to pasture. However, in the mid-1970s the diesel powered animals were rediscovered by young Masai warriors who took to customizing them. An entire subculture grew up around the customized rhinos as the young warriors would take them out for Saturday evening grazing designed to assert their status within the culture and catch the eye of potential girlfriends. Unfortunately, by the mid 1980s, the four on the floor quadrapeds once again fell out of favor and ended up back up on blocks. Today, the few remaining rhinos can be found at custom car shows or in wildlife reserves.

Carnival flyer

Theme of the Week - Unnatural Wonders

Sorry everyone, but for some odd reason, I got my days mixed up and forgot to post the theme yesterday. Thanks to Dylan for noticing and posting a temporary topic. So this week, you can do either theme, or both if you feel ambitious. Thanks!

Temporary theme

You stand before a closed door, on the other side strange sounds can be heard. Your imagination is getting the best of you... What's on the other side?

Belling the Cat

Belling the Cat

The mice assembled to consider measures to outwit the cruel and seemingly voracious cat. A number of ideas were put forth, but then a young mouse scurried forward and spoke. "What if we place a bell on a ribbon and slide it over the cat's neck so that whenever it tries to sneak up on us we will have advanced warning." The other mice considered this a first rate idea, until an old mouse spoke up. "That is all very well, but who is to bell the cat?" The mice looked at one another but none of them said a word. Then the old mouse continued. "I think we all know what I mean when I say "bell" the cat. The mice glanced at one another sheepishly. The old mouse lowered his voice and said, "I know a turtle down in New Jersey that can take care of this matter for us."

Moral: It always pays to hire a professional.

the Honey Bee and Me

based on the more popular story,

"the Grasshopper and the Ants"

The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

The wolf received an invitation to attend the annual town dance. He wanted to impress all the animals, so he went to the best tailor in town, the elephant, to buy a fancy new suit. The elephant took his measurements and then showed him the finest fabrics. The wolf picked out a sky blue silk for the jacket, an Egyptian white cotton for the shirt, and a black wool for the pants. After making his calculations, the elephant handed him a receipt for the cost of the suit. The wolf let out a loud howl when he saw the price. He could easily afford it because he was wealthy, but he was also very miserly with his money. The wolf stormed out of the tailor's shop determined to find the exact suit at a better price.

On his way home, he passed a small brick house that had the word TAILOR scrawled in chalk on the front door. He rang the bell and was greeted by a small black sheep. The wolf explained to the sheep what he wanted and the price that he was willing to pay. The sheep told him it was impossible to make a suit at that price using those fabrics. However, he could make him a very fine replica using paper instead of fabric. The sheep assured the wolf that no one would be the wiser.

Several days later, the wolf went to pick up his clothes. As promised, the sheep had made an exact copy of the suit he had wanted, only it was made entirely of paper. The wolf was most pleased that he had saved so much money.

On the big day, the Wolf strutted into the ballroom feeling like a million bucks in his suit. As the sheep had promised, none of the animals could tell it was made of paper. In fact, all the lady animals wanted to dance with him. The band started off by playing slow numbers to get the crowd warmed up. The wolf danced cheek to cheek with half a dozen ladies. As the night went on, the music got faster and faster and so did the wolf's dancing. He started sweating profusely and his suit became rather damp. This didn't stop the wolf who liked being the center of attention. When the band began playing a disco tune, he starting dancing frantically, trying to impress everyone with his Saturday Night Fever moves. All of a sudden, there was a loud ripping sound followed by a gasp from the crowd. The wolf had completely ripped out of his paper suit and stood naked before all the animals who were now pointing and bellowing with laughter.

Moral of the story: Never wear sheep paper clothes because they are tearable.

The Countryman and the Snake

The Countryman and the Snake

A countryman's son accidentally stepped on a snake's tail. The snake turned and bit the young man who soon thereafter died. In a rage, the father went after the snake with his axe and cut off its tail. Infuriated, the snake started killing the countryman's cattle. Now, instead of retaliating, the countryman thought it best to make peace with the snake and so he brought food and honey to its lair. The countryman called into the hole, "Let's forgive and forget. My son was wrong and you punished him. My reaction was understandable but certainly uncalled for. That you would take vengeance on my cattle comes as no surprise. However, now that we have each had our retribution perhaps it is best to put all of this behind us." The snake slithered toward the countryman and got all up in his face. "Look at this tail!" cried the snake. "Just look at it! Do you think I'm ever going to get a mate with this thing?" The snake paused for dramatic effect. "Listen Pal, by the time my lawyer gets through with you you'll be pleading for me to bite you too." The snake then turned and started to slither away but then stopped and looked back toward the countryman. "I'll see you in court!"

Moral: The only thing more lethal than a snake bite is litigation

The Salt Merchant and His Ass

The "Salt" Merchant and His Ass

A merchant took his ass to Macedonia to buy "salt." On the way home the pack animal slipped and fell into a stream. On rising, the ass noticed that its load was considerably lighter because some of the "salt" had dissolved. The merchant returned to the purveyor to replenish the lost "salt" and upon reloading the ass, it trotted off to the stream's edge and deliberately fell in hoping again to lessen its load. Recognizing what was happening, the merchant went off and purchased several sacks of sponges. The ass was reloaded, but this time when it fell into the stream it was weighted down. On the long journey back to Athens, the merchant laughed at the ass now saddled with its heavy and soaked load.

Of course, the ass knew full well that what it was toting was not salt as the merchant claimed, but pure Macedonian cocaine with an estimated street value in Athens of at least two million drachmas. For years, the ass tried to put its own complicity in this smuggling operation out of its mind, but this sponge thing was the final humiliation. That night after the merchant went to sleep, the ass made a call to the Federal Prosecutor's office and copped a plea bargain. The following morning the merchant was arrested.

During the trial, the ass proved the prosecution's key witness. A guilty verdict was handed down after a short deliberation and the merchant was sentenced to five years. The ass remains in the witness protection program.

Moral: No one likes a smart ass.

The Turtle and the Eagle

The Turtle and the Eagle

Once a turtle, basking in the sun, wondered aloud what it would be like to fly. An eagle overhearing the turtle offered to take it aloft. The turtle agreed and the eagle carried it almost to the clouds, but suddenly let go. The turtle fell to the ground, its shell smashed to pieces. The eagle landed and then made a meal of the poor turtle.

The following week the eagle came across another basking turtle wondering what it would be like to fly. The eagle laughed to itself. "Turtles are such rubes." It approached the turtle and offered to carry it into the sky.The reptile assented and the eagle took flight with the turtle in its clutches. However, this time when the eagle released the turtle a tiny parachute popped out of its shell and the turtle began a slow descent toward the ground. Outwitted but undeterred, the eagle circled leisurely and then landed on the ground where it awaited the arrival of its airborne meal.

Minutes passed and the eagle grew bored. It looked out across the rocks, searching for anything to hold its interest. 'When is that turtle going to get here?' wondered the eagle. An instant later the turtle crashed down on the eagle's head, knocking it out cold. The turtle stepped over the eagle, reached into its shell and pulled out a cigarette. It lit it and looked around. Among the rocks appeared the heads of other turtles. The turtle flicked the ash from the end of its cigarette. "Is this the guy that ate Lenny?" it asked? The other turtles nodded affirming his suspicion. "Okay," said the turtle.

A week later the eagle's body was found in the trunk of a car in the Newark Airport parking lot.

Moral: Always know who you're dealing with in New Jersey.

How the tortoise really won the race

Moral of the story: rules are meant to be broken.

The Zebra, Hippo, Alligator,Monkey, Hare, Giraffe and Lemmings

This is that obscure fable about the two Lemmings who decide to drive to the cliffs at Dover on a Bank Holiday and throw themselves onto the rocks below. Their friends the Zebra, the Alligator, the Hippo, the Giraffe, the Hare and the Monkey are apalled at this reckless behavior and try and stop them by racing up the motorway- stopping the traffic and causing utter chaos and confusion. Their actions of the friends causes a terrible accident and several pelicans and a stoat are killed.

The moral - Leave well enough alone.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf