Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Salt Merchant and His Ass

The "Salt" Merchant and His Ass

A merchant took his ass to Macedonia to buy "salt." On the way home the pack animal slipped and fell into a stream. On rising, the ass noticed that its load was considerably lighter because some of the "salt" had dissolved. The merchant returned to the purveyor to replenish the lost "salt" and upon reloading the ass, it trotted off to the stream's edge and deliberately fell in hoping again to lessen its load. Recognizing what was happening, the merchant went off and purchased several sacks of sponges. The ass was reloaded, but this time when it fell into the stream it was weighted down. On the long journey back to Athens, the merchant laughed at the ass now saddled with its heavy and soaked load.

Of course, the ass knew full well that what it was toting was not salt as the merchant claimed, but pure Macedonian cocaine with an estimated street value in Athens of at least two million drachmas. For years, the ass tried to put its own complicity in this smuggling operation out of its mind, but this sponge thing was the final humiliation. That night after the merchant went to sleep, the ass made a call to the Federal Prosecutor's office and copped a plea bargain. The following morning the merchant was arrested.

During the trial, the ass proved the prosecution's key witness. A guilty verdict was handed down after a short deliberation and the merchant was sentenced to five years. The ass remains in the witness protection program.

Moral: No one likes a smart ass.


Crafty Dogma said...

I love the modern twist you've been giving Aesop's fables. I've shown your collages and stories to my husband who was absolutely in stitches. The punchlines are a treat.

scrapatorium said...

Brilliant! Your stories are so fantastic and this theme is perfect for showcasing them.

wastedpapiers said...

Another wonderful story. Keep 'em coming!

Punwit said...

Any smuggler worth his salt should know the Border Patrol is onto the ass method. You Rock, Hugh!

Hugh Musick said...

Here's another bad/sad ass story from back in the day.